Craziest Crossover EVER!
by multishippingexpert
Summary: For anyone who wants a good laugh. Max, Harry, and Bella all together. I made this because I hate crossovers, so it's a way of mocking them, but I ended up having lots of fun with it. Read on!
1. Chapter Uno

Okay guys, this is for all crossover haters, and , for that matter, anyone who wants a good laugh. I got really mad one day because I kept finding Maximum Ride/Twilight crossovers, or Maximum Ride/Harry Potter crossovers, or Twilight/Harry Potter crossovers. And I don't really like crossovers. So basically, this is a really lame, funny crossover I made to signify how annoying I think they are. I ended up having a lot of fun with it. :)

Max: Oh, hi Fang!  
Fang: Hi Max, how are you?  
Max: I'm fine. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the mall with me so I could get some new shoes.  
Fang: Ok, I wanna get some new and fashionable clothes for myself too.  
Max: Alright, and even though we're totally OOC, I'm gonna pretend like nothing's wrong.  
Fang: Ok.  
*Harry suddenly appears out of nowhere*  
Harry: Hi guys!  
Max: OMG! Fang, did you notice the strange stranger just appearing out of nowhere?  
Fang: Huh? What? I was too busy looking at myself in the mirror.  
Max: Oh, so Harry, since I suddenly know your name for no apparent reason at all, do you wanna come to the mall with us?  
Harry: Ok, but I wanna bring my friends with me.  
*everyone currently attending Hogwarts appears behind Harry*  
Harry: All right, I'm ready!  
Angel: Oh, hi guys! Are we having a party?  
Max: Sorry, we're all going to the mall.  
Angel: Oh well, have you seen my emo makeup?  
Max: No.  
Iggy: Has anyone seen my underwear?  
Max: Oh, is that what I buried in the backyard? Ok, let's go to the mall now. (OOC: Yes, that was random.)  
*at the mall*  
Bella: Hey Edward, I want some money so I can buy myself a pretty dress with lots of sparkles.  
Edward: Ok, here's $100,000.  
Bella: Awwww, only $100,000? Alice lets me have more. *pouty face*  
Edward: Fine, here's another $50,000, because I just carry this much money around in my pocket all the time.  
Bella: Ok, thank you!  
*bumps into Max, Fang, and Harry*  
Bella: Oh, I've never seen any of you before, but I've decided that we should all be best friends now for no apparent reason at all.  
Max, Fang, and Harry: Ok! Hi new best friend!  
Bella: Hi!!!!!!  
*turns around*  
Bella: Oh my gosh! It's my arch enemy, Victoria! Hide me!  
*runs behind everyone*  
*Victoria walks over*  
Victoria: Have any of you seen Bella? Don't ask me how I know her.  
Max: Ok, she's right here.  
*pulls Bella out*  
Max: There you go.  
Victoria: Hi Bella! Wanna be bestest friends?  
Bella: Okay!  
*skip off happily into the sunset*  
Max: Oh my gosh! It's /my/ arch enemy, Marian Janssen!  
Fang: Don't worry Max, I'll take care of her.  
Marian: I will kill you now.  
Fang: No you won't!  
Marian: Yes I will.  
Fang: No you won't.  
Marian: Yes I will.  
Fang: No you won't.  
Marian: Yes I will  
Fang: No you won't.  
Marian: Why?  
Fang: Because that big statue is about to fall over on top of you.....  
*statue smushes Marian*  
Fang: .....for no apparent reason at all.  
Max: Yay!!!!!!!!! She's dead! I can be happy now!  
Fang: Yay!!! We should go celebrate!  
*skip off happily into the sunset*  
Harry: I'm all alone now. Oh no, wait! It's /my/ arch enemy, Voldemort, and his evil minion army of.........BISCUITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Voldemort: Yes!!! With my evil minion army of biscuits, I will finally have enough power to defeat you, the great Harry Potter! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!  
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Voldemort kills Harry with his evil minion army of biscuits*  
*Total suddenly appears out of nowhere and breaks into dance*  
Total (singing):  
Hey hey, you you,  
I don't like your biscuits.  
no way no way,  
I think you need some new ones.  
*Voldemort kills Total*  
*Voldemort skips off happily into the sunset*  
Edward: Bella? Where are you? And why is there a dead dog over here? You know I can't resist the blood.  
*Nudge and Iggy appear out of nowhere*  
Nudge: Hey, you can't eat our dead dog! I mean, I know he can't sing, or dance, or do anything right, and yes he talks and still isn't toilet trained, and likes to put ugly makeup on my Barbie dolls, but he's still a very good talking dog that we stole from an evil corporation that likes torturing little kids and giving them wings and doing horrible tests on them, and-  
Edward: OK! Fine, I won't eat the dog, just please shut up!  
Iggy: You're lucky you don't have to live with that every day.  
Nudge: I'm hungry.  
Iggy: Me too, let's go get something to eat. Oh, by the way, did I forget to tell you guys that I put a bomb somewhere in here?  
Edward: WHAT?!  
Nudge: Yeah. I have to live with _that_.  
Iggy: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4-  
*everyone runs off into the sunset*  
*mall blows up*  
*Alice suddenly appears out of nowhere*  
Alice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Aro suddenly appears out of nowhere*  
Aro: Hey Alice! Wanna go out for some ice-cream?  
Alice: Sure, I'll go with you, even though I'm supposed to hate you because you're my arch enemy!  
Aro: Ok!  
*skip off happily into the sunset*

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter Dos

Okay, lotsa stuff to say. First, sorry about the last chapter not being spaced right. It was my first time uploading anything up on here, and so oops. :) Second, I know it may seem like I took months and months and months to put something else up here, but let me explain, kay? Originally, I had only planned to put my first two stories up on here, mainly because that's the only fanfiction type writing I had. All other writing I've been doing has been stuff more appropriate for fictionpress, though I have yet to make an account on there. So my original plan was to make this account for those two things, but obviously not anymore. Most of the reviews I got were really funny and nice, and you guys liked what I wrote, so I decided to make another chapter all for you! Also, I have decided to write more just for fanfiction because I do not want this account sitting around collecting dust, so I guarantee you there will be more up on here after this one.

Here's a paragraph solely to my reviewers: You guys are awesome!!! Your reviews made me crack up and it made me happy to know that so many people liked something I'd written just for fun one day. So this chapter goes out to you! May this one and the rest make your day better. :)

Okay, I think that's all I wanna say. I shall now shut up and let you read.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, Twilight, or Harry Potter. If I am lying, may I voluntarily eat meat. (Blegh. *shudders*)**

* * *

*at Kingcross Station*

Harry: Another year at Hogwarts!!!

Ron: Yeah, I can't wait!

Hermione: Me either!

Ron: And I found a great way to start the year.

Harry: How?

Ron: Well, you know about those Barbies Malfoy has?

Harry: Yeah?

Ron: I fed them to Crookshanks.

Hermione: *gasp* Ron!!! How da-

*Max suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Harry: You! What're you doing here?

Max: *confuzzled* Uh...I don't really know. One second I was in the middle of meticulously fixing my gorgeous hair, and the next I get sucked through some portal and end up here.

Harry: ...

Ron: ...

Hermione: ...wierd.

Max: Yeah. Say, where is 'here?'

Harry: Platform 9 3/4, duh.

Max: Oh, of course! ...wait, what?

Hermione: *rolls eyes*

Max: What?! Like I'm supposed to know what that means. You know, your snottiness reminds me of that biscuit.

Harry: What biscuit?

Max: The one I talked to in the portal.

Hermione: Huh? Wait, what did he say?

Max: I dunno, but he kept mentioning something about a... moldy wart? *shudders* You do _not_ want one of those.

Harry and Hermione: What?! Oh goblins!!!

Ron: Wait a second! *ponders* Moldy wart... Moldyvort... Voldyvort... Voldymart...

Hermione: *sigh* This is gonna take a while. *pulls out copy of "Hogwarts: A History"*

*five minutes later*

Ron: Voldymorty...Voldymort... Voldemort! Oh, of course! ...wait, what?

Hermione: *rolls eyes*

Max: Who's Voldemort?

Harry: Oh, only the arch nemesis that's been after me since the day I was born.

Max: ...Cool.

Harry: Oh goblins! This is urgent! What did this biscuit tell you?

Hermione: Good idea, Harry! Maybe we can get a clue about his whereabouts.

Max: Oh, well, the biscuit said that Voldemort is currently pillaging New Zealand and that he will be here to kill you shortly.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: WHAT?!?

Harry: You could have mentioned that before!

Max: Well jeez, sorry! It's not my fault I thought we were talking about moldy warts!

*Dr. Martinez suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Dr. Martinez: Very frightful medical condition, moldy warts. Actually, I've studied in depth about this, and my research shows that 43% of all patients-

Max: Mom!

Dr. Martinez: What?

Max: We don't care!

Dr. Martinez: *huff* Fine. *dissapears*

Hermione: ...Well, okay then. I wonder if moldy warts even exist...

Ron: *cough*

Harry: Guys! Stop getting distracted! This is about something more important than you...it's about me!

*Iggy suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Iggy: Well, I finally finished digging my underwear up, Max. *glares*

Max: *nervous laughter* What are you talking about?

Iggy: You know what I'm talking about! Just keep in mind that I refuse to cook for all of next week. You're in charge of that, so good luck! *dissapears*

Max: Huh. Well, with my awesome cooking skills, the entire flock will be dead from food poisoning by Tuesday, so I guess I'll have to eat out the rest.

Harry: Hey! What'd I tell you about me being important?

Max: .....Riiight.

Hermione: *sigh* You have no idea what I have to deal with every day.

Max: I know, girl. I know.

Ron: *clears throat* So, about those moldy warts-

Max: Oh! I almost forgot. I'm late for my nail appointment! Toodles! *dissapears*

Harry: Yeah, thanks for being so much help. Now that she's gone, maybe we can get somewh-

*Voldemort suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Voldemort: Harry Potter!!! I am here to kill you!!! Muahahahah*cough hack cough*aha!!!

Ron: What was _that_?

Hermione: I dunno, maybe his throat's a little dry.

Ron: He should really drink some water. Staying hydrated is a good way to stay healthy.

Hermione: Yeah, and a great way to keep your skin clear. Did you know-

Voldemort: Ahem! This is about something more important than you, it's about-

Harry: ME!!! Finally! Someone understands!!!

Voldemort: Fool! You'll never be as amazing as me!

Harry: What?! What's not to like about me?!

Voldemort: Oh yeah, well, what's to like about _me_?

Hermione: They both make good points.

Ron: No kidding.

Harry: Hey! Who's side are you on anyway?

Hermione: *shrugs* Depends. What'll I get out of it?

Harry: Oh...well I get my allowance from dear Uncle Vernon on Monday.

Voldemort: Oh... well I can't give you cash but I can give you half of New Zealand?

Hermione: SOLD!!! To the evil slitty eyed man without a nose!

Voldemort: Muahahaha*hackhack*- Oh just forget it.

Harry: *falls to knees overdramatically* How could you?! My two best friends, bought over by a piece of New Zealand from my /arch nemesis/?! After all of these years of gracing you with my company! This is how you repay me?!?

Hermione: *completely ignoring Harry* So I was thinking I could take the northern half, since my allergies agree more with the subtropical weather, and maybe-

*Max suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Max: *looks around and sees Voldemort* AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Voldemort: What?

Max: *pointing* MOLDY WART!!!

Harry, Hermione, and Ron: Uhh! For the last time! It's /Voldemort/!

Max: No!!! Look! *points to moldy wart on Voldemort's chin*

Harry, Hermione, and Ron: *peer* OH MY GOBLINS!!!!!

*Dr. Martinez suddenly appears out of nowhere with a flame thrower*

Dr. Martinez: FINALLY! A chance to test out my new treatment! *slowly approaches Voldemort with flame thrower*

Voldemort: Wait...what...what're you doing? Hey! Get back! No! Get away from me!... AAAAHHHHHH!!! *runs off*

Dr. Martinez: Wait! If I don't treat you soon, you'll...*voice fades as she runs off after him*

Hermione: *turns to Max* Aren't you gonna stop her?

Max: Uh, my nails are still drying. Duh.

Harry: Hold on, so what /does/ happen if you don't get treated soon?

Max: Like I know.

Ron: Uhh, I think I'm gonna go find your mom. *walks off*

Harry: *sigh* It's like I'm not even here. I'm gonna go find some /normal/ people who are obsessed with me.

Hermione: *sniff* Well, I'm going to go enduce emesis to force the expulsion of Malfoy's Barbies from Crookshanks stomach.

Max: *blank stare*

Hermione: *rolls eyes* I'm gonna make my cat barf.

Max: Oohhh.

Hermione: *dissappears*

Max: ..........I'm bored...Oh, look! This conveniently placed bag should keep me entertained. *digs hole in ground and buries contents of bag in it.* *dissappears*

*Malfoy suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Malfoy: Hey! Why's my bag empty? Where'd all my underwear go?! Where are my Barbies?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *dissappears*

*Harry suddenly appears out of nowhere*

*Nagini suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Harry: Hiss.

Nagini: Hiss.

Harry: Hiss.

Nagini: Hiss.

Harry: Hiss.

*Ron suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Nagini: Hiss.

Harry: Hiss.

Nagini: Hiss. *dissappears*

Ron: What was that all about?

Harry: I dunno, all I heard was hiss.

Ron: ...

Harry: Don't look at me like that. I barely know what /I'm/ saying half the time.

Ron: ... *dissappears*

Harry: What? Hey! Wait for me! *dissappears*

*silence*

*Crookshanks suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Crookshanks: Meow.....*dissappears*

*more silence*

*Emmett suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Emmett: *looks around*

*Alice suddenly appears out of nowhere*

Alice: What're you doing here?  
Emmett: I dunno, I thought I heard someone say 'Barbie' and I thought I had found another avid collector like me. I even brought my Swan Lake Barbie. *sad face*

Alice: ...You realize what Edward would do if he found out about this little obsession of yours?

Emmett: No! Please don't tell him Alice, please! I'll do anything for you!

Alice: *sigh* I won't. *dissapears*

Emmett: Huh, I showed her didn't I? She cowers at the prospect of fighting against my muscles and brains! She quakes at the mere sight of me! She knows that when it comes down to it, I always win! I always conquer! I always-

*Alice reappears*

Alice: You realize you're talking to yourself right?

Emmett: ...*cough* *dissappears*

Alice: *rolls eyes* *dissappears*

The End!!!

* * *

Alright, so I hope you guys enjoyed, and I may have something else up in the next few weeks. I want to take this time and space to recommend a book to you guys that I found one of the best reads in a while. It's called The Order of the Odd Fish by James Kennedy. It's a really good book that is impossible to summarize. I find that Amazon does a good job of it though. I've been hounding on my friends to read this book, and so now I thought I'd hound you too. :) So anyway, check it out. See ya'. :)


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